Jules on Breast Cancer/Cancer, circa Breast Cancer Awareness Month

...Sigh... You know the things people say about writer's block? And creativity drought? Well, call it a myth, but for me, it's really true. God knows I've been wanting to share something about this year's Breast Cancer Awareness Month, but I haven't been able to bring myself to write something that would bring justice to the cause. I kept dilly-dallying with it, that's what I do when "things" don't "come" to me, in the creativity sense of it. But, before I miss it completely, I figured that I must write or share something, I must, I must, I must. Inhale, exhale...

Mrs. Ismail, she was the first "Orang Putih" I ever knew, she was my Kindergarten Bunga Raya Principal. Now, thinking of her, I think she looked a bit like Margaret Thatcher, the more pleasant version! If you noticed my posts some time back, I had shared with you my "Bachelor of Rhymes" scroll. Yup, Mrs. Ismail had conferred that to me. Mrs. Ismail was also the first woman I knew who fought breast cancer for as long as I could remember. She was a wonderful teacher, someone who made me enjoy learning, enjoy doing my homework and who made me want to improve myself. She was a strong woman. I will remember her always...

Throughout the years, I have had very close people around me, relatives and friends, who encountered cancer, some victoriously battled it, while some sadly succumbed to it. When I was younger, my mom was always in and out of hospitals for one illness after another. No, she didn't have cancer, but there was a point when I thought it was, and, well, at that age, though I couldn't really grasp the implications that surround cancer, I knew that I was scared, for her, and for me, coz there was a point when I thought I would lose her. I remember Hospital Fatima in Ipoh, Hospital Seremban, Hospital Tuanku Ampuan Rahimah, SJMC, Sunway Medical, IJN... I remember always eating her hopsital food, coz she never had the appetite for them! Yet, my mom was never sad, nor tired, nor bored, nor fed up with anything. Soon after those hospital works, she'd be up and about again, cooking, sewing, doing all sorts of things for us. Ya, there were times when she would just cry and cry, but, I think those were more emotional tears, not so much of sadness or fear. And, now, after all these experiences, Alhamdulillah, I am no longer scared nor worried. Yes, sometimes the sadness comes...but scared? InsyaAllah, no...

What I'm trying to say here is that, though I've never had to directly deal with cancer, I believe I can relate to the feelings and emotions that are involved when dealing with serious or terminal illnesses, all sorts, not just cancer or breast cancer. An aunt and a cousin are at stage 4 cancer, my cousin-uncle in London is making the most of whatever time he has now, a dear friend is dealing with mouth cancer, another cousin and aunt (very close family friend) are recovering from mastectomy. There are also those whom I have lost to breast cancer/cancer, Mrs. Ismail included.

Some may think that I am heartless when I encourage people to "hope for the best, but always anticipate the worst". I don't mean that in a inhumane way, it's just that I believe that it would be less bitter when we unconditionally accept the reality of things. And I believe that, regardless of race and religion, everyone is God's creation, and that at the end of the day, if and when they return to Him, they are actually going to a much better place.

Remember my second Hannah Montana bling tin? That was for the delightful Qaisara, who had then just lost her beloved grandma to breast cancer; she had been by her grandma's side the whole time. I hope Sara grows up to be strong and full of heart... :)

To all breast cancer/cancer heroes, I salute you.

On a personal note, may I urge all women to go for your annual pap smear test, or any relevant tests for that matter. Single, married, given birth, never given birth, just go and get it done. Ignore the myth that unmarried women, or more bluntly, virgins, shouldn't be "pap-smeared"; there's more to the meaning of virginity, you don't just lose it by having a certified OB-GYN probe you...! Well, again, this is my personal point of view, no offense intended...