Wow...what a challenging Ramadhan it had been...and then an even more challenging Syawal...
The thing about challenges is that no matter how prepared you think you are, you really never are, until you're faced with them. My father taught me to always "hope for the best, but anticipate the worst". And, the worst always comes along! Ha ha! But, I've learnt to take them all in stride, coz after the worst has gone, the best reward usually comes strolling by too....
My Merdeka gift for Petronas was indeed a rewarding challenge. No doubt the financial reward does extremely good for the home front, and where the need for new handbags is concerned. But the Ringgit Malaysia can't beat the overwhelming sense of pride when emails pour in with "...wow, such a brilliant idea...", or "very impressive, such extensive research...". Hmmphh...Hhaaaa... Alhamdulillah...syukur...
Then come the post Raya challenge in Syawal when my mum fell seriously ill. Since the world around me has been evolving with "that granduncle passed away...", "this aunt has stage 4 cancer...", "that friend's mum passed away...", you'd think I'd be prepared for the worst to hit me right? Well, I thought I was prepared for the worst to hit me. I hade it all planned : engaging the qariah's khairat kematian, closest relatives and friends to call, arrangements to make, and so on. The first round my mum was admitted to IJN, the pacemaker implant, preparing my downstairs spare room for her and my dad to stay for a month while she recuperated...these were all good. I was calm, and prepared. Then, came the second round she was admitted. I was shaken and taken by surprise. It finally dawned on me that this could be it. What if the implant didn't work? What if that last time I said goodnight to my mum was really the last time I said goodnight to my mum? I was awake, alone, and I thought of all this while I passed Marrakesh his 3rd bottle for the night.
But, Alhamdulillah, things didn't turn out for the worst. My mum returned to my place 3 days later. It had been a mismatch of meds and they just had to try new ones. And my mum was going to be okay, insyaAllah. But, that thing, that night, that I thought about all by myself...it was something that I could never ever be prepared for. I realise now, that it is something that I would only know when the time actually comes.
I hope to be the strong woman that my mum is. At this moment in her life, she made it very clear to me that she doesn't fear what God may have laid forth for her, for she has lived her life fully, has loved well and has not any regrets. She postponed being admitted to IJN, the first round, because she wanted to hug and kiss my 3 boys first, as she had not spent Hari Raya with them. We had gone back to Rostam's kampung in Selama this Raya. That night, after she had hugged and kissed each boy ever so lovingly as she always does, she was ready to go, no fear, no regrets, come what may. She looked at me calmly, kissed me and passed me all her jewellery, and said, "...just in case...". Then, we were in the car enroute to IJN.
I am 38 now. I hope that in 30 years, I would be as strong and fulfilled as my mum is now. And I hope that my 3 boys will have as much love, respect, understanding and admiration for me as I do my mum.
